Gavin is almost a year old now. It seems like both yesterday and forever ago when Chris and I found out we were pregnant (we grinned nervously at eachother), and when Gavin was born. This long after the birth, I still think about it often. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. More painful than cramps that made me pass out in high school. More like a charlie horse all up and down my spine for hours and hours. I’d been hoping so much for a

On one of our walks this past week (just Gavin and I because Chris was on the phone) we passed a house with a boy in pajamas by himself out front. He was maybe six. He called to me as we went by,

This is a depiction of the typical aftermath of the Gavin’s playtime. He loves to pull all the videos and books off the shelves he can reach, and then play with them on the floor. He mixes in a few toys, his socks, something he stole from dad’s computer desk and he’s all set for a fun afternoon! Yay!

other thoughts:
The other night, up with Gavin and Chris when we all should have been sleeping but Gavin made an executive decision to be awake, I was soooo tired, but Gavin playing with my nalgene water bottle and smiling away at me and his Daddy still made me happy. I wanted a baby and love having Gavin here. I love spending hours and hours with him and taking care of him. It’s a lot of work. I know there are so many people who have kids and aren’t as thrilled about it as I am. Maybe not as prepared to accept all the work that comes with a baby. And I get cranky and tired and frustrated, even though I have a husband to help (Chris loves our son so much and is amazing at entertaining and caring for him!) and a great baby who I adore! It makes me think how much harder and bad for everyone involved it would be to have a baby when you weren’t ready, or wanting one. It might get awfully easy to be mean to the screaming baby at 3 am.

That nurse I disliked so much at the hospital in recovery from delivering Baby G said that at one point or other I’d want to hurt the baby because everyone does. Proudly and relievedly, I am now prepared to assert permanently that she was wrong. Never! Even if I do get frustrated with him occasionally. Not ever! I was frightened that she was right, even though I was skeptical. I guess there’s a lot of people who do have that experience though. Sad to think about. I’m thankful for the way things are here.

here’s gavin in his bed. after a nice long nap he’s very happy!

enjoying being outside at Grandma and Grandpa McC’s house in his fancy clothes.

Grandma and Grandpa are as amused by Gavin as he is by the toy bus and people.

gavin isn’t scared of very many things. the only things he’s really scared of are being apart from mom, some very loud sudden noises and sometimes after he gets hurt and weird smells.

he’s not scared of the dark, or of the cats swatting at his hand when he’s going for the tail, or of falling. he would dive off a cliff if he saw a cat at the bottom, i’m fairly sure.

i wonder when he will learn to be scared. will it be alot of things all at once that will become scary? will it be one thing and then later something else? will he be scared of the dark? is fear of the dark learned? and do people who live without electricity fear the dark?

i hope he won’t be scared of too many things later on and that he will learn to be afraid of falling off the bed and couch soon…or at least understand it’s a definite possibility.

when i was a kid, i remember being very shy. i still am, really. i don’t know if i was always that way, or whether i grew into it after we moved a couple of times. right now, gavin seems very outgoing. i’m really glad and hope he continues being so social. he likes strangers when they are interested in him. he loves animals. we will have to be careful when he starts walking that he doesn’t run up to some dog in the park that is not as friendly as gavin expects.

he still doesn’t sign, except for his own special sign, created by the one and only baby G. to date, the known meanings for this sign are: i see a cat! i’m excited about that thing over there! i’m happy. i want that! i want to be picked up now. i’m hungry. i’m upset and want you to do something about it. he gets very interested when chris and i make his sign back at him. i think that he might be working on his delicate hand coordination. maybe we’ll see some other signs soon. he does seem to understand some of the signs we use when we talk to him, like walk and eat.