right now gavin is very happy, extremely joyful. he is giggling and grinning at everything. it is his happy time of day, a few hours after getting up in the morning. when he is happy, it practically pours out of him. when he is upset, hungry, tired it’s the same.

it seems gavin doesn’t “express” his emotions as much as, he just embodies them. he has none of the filters i put between my feelings inside and what i show, or tell the world outside of my head. i’ve learned to hide those things: happiness, anger, loneliness. gavin doesn’t hide them, or think about whether or not to express them, and in what way to express. he just is happy or sad, etc. i think the loss of ability to be the way you feel as an adult is unfortunate. of course there are reasons…social interaction patterns, and shortcuts within communicating, that make things easier, at least some of the time. but it seems a huge loss. i think this is part of the reason that i have had “the most fun since i was a kid myself” since having gavin around to show me what happy looks like.