omg! chris actually posts! does he even have access to this thing?
yes, i know i don’t typically make an appearance here, but erin pretty much covers everything and does so well with the pics…i enjoy reading it as much as you, i’m sure.

this warranted some fatherly postage, however…

gavin has started crying when i leave to go back to work after coming home for lunch. he gets terrifically excited when he sees me come home or drive up and get out of the car. it makes me happy, like i’m the best dad in the whole world that there ever was, and i would be suprised if gavin felt otherwise, having only one…
as soon as i come home he scrambles his way to me or, if erin is holding him outside as i drive up, reaches out for me, almost dive bombing pavement in the process. immediately he wants me to hold him and hug him and play with him and he giggles with glee. gavin has an infectious giggle that makes everything shine with new colors. erin spoke of magic, and when gavin giggles and laughs, it’s magic.

then it’s time to go back to work.

i want to say “i’ll be back soon” and have gavin understand. i think, somewhere, he does. i don’t think he watches me walk away and really believe it’s the last time he’ll ever see me, which i’m terribly grateful for. however, he’s started getting upset when i leave. partially, this might have to do with whether he’s already tired, but even if he’s not outright crying and just starts to get upset, it makes me sad. today, as i walked away from the house he crawled as fast as he could to the door to catch up and stood at the door, looking out the glass as i walked away. erin said he stayed there for about 5 minutes after i left.

i always think about when i was little when i see him doing this, on my first day of pre-school. i remember very clearly screaming bloody murder for my dad after he left. i don’t remember anything else, really, i think somehow they got me to take a nap and after that everything was slightly better, but i screamed and screamed and screamed. “i want my daddy!!!!” granted, i’m sure at that age i already had some abandonment issues. it’s not like kids can really communicate all that. i’m glad that it’s not that way for gavin, but i always think of that when he gets upset as i walk out the door and realize how hard it must’ve been for my dad to leave me at the — in this case — inappropriately named “happy hall.”

and more and more the idea is reinforced just how much i want to figure out a way to work from home. i’m savvy with computer stuff, and they tell me that makes the money. furthermore, i’m informed that it’s money that provides things such as food, a roof over one’s head, and important things like insurance for the little one, so these things should be able to somehow coalesce into a grand scheme that just works. when that day comes, i don’t know, i might do some sort of crazy happy dance. possibly i’ll be doing a lot of dances, seeing as how gavin finds them infinitely entertaining. i really want to make it work…somehow.

gavin also likes when i sing “old macdonald.” i like to include non-standard farm animals (giraffes, for example, even tho they are typically quiet creatures). when i figure out a way to work at home, i’ll have much more time to think of creative animals (real or imagined) to include on old macdonald’s farm. and there will be much giggling and the world will be full of magic.

Yesterday, I was about to go outside to throw some things in the trash, so I went over to put on my sandals. They weren’t where I usually put them and I couldn’t see them anywhere. I spent ten minutes or so looking, then gave up and put on other shoes. Later, I asked Chris if he’d seen them and he hadn’t. I looked a bit more with no luck. Several hours later, I was putting some toys away and when I opened the toychest, I saw my sandals sitting on top. Gavin’s cup was also there. Gavin put them in the chest! What a silly boy.

here’s Gavin in a milk crate. he likes it!

he’s telling me: “babadadaaaaah. badaba.”

Gavin is doing very well! He seems to be gaining weight. I can tell this not from the scale, but from how long it takes my arms to get tired when I’m holding him. (It’s significantly shorter before achiness sets in now.) He’s very vocal, but doesn’t say many words yet. He loves to make all kinds of noises though. He has taken one step on his own, and likes to walk around while we hold his hands. He also has started climbing. Into milk crates, onto boxes, wherever he can reach.

He cries when his Dad leaves to go to work and squeals in excitement when he sees Dad coming home. He likes to flip through his books on his own and he loves to drink out of his cup with a straw. He likes to try new foods, but especially loves sweet things. Grits with maple syrup for example. That’s one of his favorites.

He’s pretty good about going to sleep on his own since we cut out the hidden dairy in our diet. He still wakes up often during the night but usually is able to go back to sleep after eating a little.

Gavin loves it when I’m putting laundry away in the bedroom and he can play in there. He loves to open and shut the dresser drawers, pull clothes out, “help” with the laundy folding, look in the trash can (this is discouraged), pull all the tissues out of the box (also discouraged), lie down in the cat beds on the floor, try to look out the window, open and shut the bedroom and closet doors.

He still loves the feel of the wind on his face like he did at three or four months old, and kicks his legs in excitement at the taste of yogurt (soy!) in his mouth. When he smiles at me I think: how could I have ever had any doubts that I would love being a mom? All the stinky diapers don’t hold a candle to all the fun we have. Chris and I spend much of our time together saying “He is so cute!” or “Look at Gavin. Isn’t he the best?” etc.

As I spend time around Gavin, the looks of amazement and delight blooming on his face remind me of the magic in the world. I don’t mean wand-waving and potions with rat tooth and eye of newt. I mean the feeling of inherent goodness in people and the world in general.

This was a prevalent part of my childhood. The thrill and sense of well-being in myself and everything around me when I picked flowers or saw the moon rise orange and change to white, grew sugar crystals in a canning jar on string hanging from a pencil, or cooked something that was a brand new invention by my sister and I. I still find this magic sometimes in my adult life, but less frequently. I can tell Gavin feels something like what I remember of being a kid. His eyes light up that way. The grins are too full and ecstatic to be anything else. I think this must come from love. Our love for Gavin. Our love for eachother. (He likes watching Chris and I hug.) His love for us. I consider myself very lucky to have experienced life in this way, and to experience it in again with Gavin. And I thank my Mom and Dad, and my sister for sharing that magic with me when I was a kid and also now, in Gavin’s life and at times in ours.

(Note to self: grow sugar crystals with G when he’s older.)

here’s gavin just finished with watching the bird and getting into his toy chest and on his way over to pull videos off the shelf and steal his dad’s computer mouse

So, we have been working on figuring out which foods are not good for Gavin for the last six months or so. It’s been very complicated and frustrating. At some points it’s been downright nerve-wracking. I’ve come to feel there’s not much worse than your baby being uncomfortable or in pain and you not having a clue what you can do to help.

I went on various elimination diets and kept a journal and watched Gavin closely. Sometimes other things interfered with the process of figuring out what was happening, like teething, or trips, or hidden ingredients.

His symptoms were not as serious as some of our family, which is a relief, but also made it harder to figure out which foods were ok and which were not. He gets a stuffy nose and painful tummy when he eats wheat and dairy. The color of his poop changes to green when he eats wheat. When he eats dairy or casein he goes poop more frequently than he should and has mucous in his diapers and has trouble sleeping at night, seeming restless and in pain. (This bit is mostly for long-term future reference for me.)

After many different trials we think we may have figured out the majority of his food issues now.

Crossed fingers here

So Chris and I thought it would be good to try to put in in an accessible place for later reference and other people to see.

Here is the list of food that causes problems for Gavin:

**wheat, other glutenous grains (barley, graham, rye, and in some cases oats)

**dairy (specifically casein, but we are avoiding all of it)

**egg

We are avoiding nuts too, in case he’s allergic. We will give this a try at some later point.

Foods we’ve tried and are okay for him:

**rice, corn, potato, soy

**tomato, strawberry, other berries, peaches, onion, squash, bell peppers, carrot

**chocolate without dairy (he hasn’t eaten this himself yet)

So we are scouring ingredient listings on packages for hidden wheat, dairy and egg.

Some of the sneaky listings:

wheat: spelt, graham flour, durum, seitan, bran, kamut, gluten, glutenin, bulgar, edible starch, modified food starch, malt, prolamin, semolina, natural flavor

dairy: artificial butter flavor, casein, caseinates, whey, lactalbumin, lactoglobulin, lactose, lactulose, milkfat, nougat, rennet, yogurt, chocolate, flavorings, margarine, lactate, lact-anything, caramel color, caramel flavor

egg: albumin, globulin, livetin, lysozyme, ovalbumin, ovoglobulin, ovo-anything, vitellin, silici, albuminate

these are ok:
Lactic acid (however, lactic acid starter culture may contain milk)
Calcium stearoyl lactylate
oleoresin
Cocoa butter
Sodium lactate
Cream of tartar

Very confusing! However, Gavin is feeling much better since we’ve cut out all casein that was remaining in our diet. So we are feeling very encouraged.

I’m feeling much more confident about cooking without these ingredients now too, which is a relief. I am collecting (and composing) gluten free, egg free, dairy free recipes that actually taste good. Chris seems to think they’re okay too. Being able to enjoy a blueberry muffin, or pancake or pasta! every now and then makes going gluten/egg/dairy free a choice I can live happily with.

Also, a small side note is that both Chris and I feel overall more healthy since cutting out dairy, specifically. Less tummy aches, etc. Yay!

to have a face as cute as this to look at daily!

gavin is getting into everything these days! he’s very curious about the bird, any food or drink, magazines, clocks, windows, and plants. he drags chairs around the living room and drops dvd’s over the baby gates into the kitchen. he’s a very energetic little guy.

he’s also very cuddly. he likes to be held, hugged and kissed and in the morning, especially on weekends he comes into our bed with us and smooshes his head against his daddy’s and then plops down on top of me for some good cuddles. he’s just started doing this of his own accord, as we have been subjecting him to cuddle time for over a year now. it’s very sweet and i feel very proud and happy that our son, our little boy is enjoying getting and giving physical attention. i’m glad he’s such a cuddly little guy. i’m loving the baby hugs!